Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008): One of the Most Disappointing Sequels Ever Made

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: A disappointing yet, numbingly enjoyable ride for at least its first two familiarly relapsed acts. One element that can virtually be agreed on by a grand bulk of the Indiana Jones fans and cinephiles alike, is that the writing in this long-awaited follow-up truly b-l-o-w-s. Spielberg’s directing graciously however, saves this movie from being a “total” misfire. He nails the comforting 50s environment while maintaining a plucky sense of urgency in its perpetuating storyline. It does unfortunately, generate a film that’s discourteously over the top, but it’s better than granting us with a lifeless tale for the saga. One aspect that I admittedly admire about this long-awaited sequel compared to the more recent continuations in some of the long-beloved and popular franchises, is that it preserves the tone of its previous predecessors. (Umm…Disney’s Star Wars and Jurassic World, LEARN).

Kingdom of the Crystal Skull launches a ton of new characters, a chunk of them in which I think work and a chunk of them in which I think…don’t work. Cate Blanchett’s portrayal as Irina Spalko is pretty interesting and…different. I love her stern costume; it’s very villain-esc. Characters like Indy’s, quote on quote, “old” friends however are just sort of distasteful. A good example of this would be the character of Mac, who is literally just a greedy nuisance that tags along on the adventure to piss off Indy and backstab him like a bajillion times. Mutt is an alright character, honestly. There are much worse components sprinkled throughout this flick besides Mutt. He’s not that bad fellas!

Every Indiana Jones movie has always been superstitious and been known to push the boundaries of believability so, in disbelief, I actually didn’t mind the alien stuff. That is, I wouldn’t mind the alien stuff in an Indiana Jones movie if it was executed correctly. And for the first two acts, they play off the alien stuff quite decently. And then you get to that third act and the film falls dead flat on its F****** FACE, DESTROYING EVERY SENSE OF LOGIC AND ULTIMATELY, BECOMING ONE OF THE BIGGEST, FATTEST JOKES IN MOVIE HISTORY. WTF HAPPENED!!!

The practicality that made this franchise so raw and spirited is nearly ransacked for CGI red ants, monkeys, gophers, waterfalls, jungles, jungle cutters, and…UFOs (???) in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but it isn’t the worst thing that could possibly happen to a franchise. It’s certainly a shoddy thing to happen to a franchise nonetheless, and it is in fact unforgivably embarrassing. Oh well, at least maybe the fifth motion picture will make amends for it. Probably not though. Probably not…

Verdict: C-

And you’re absolutely right! The real MVP is in fact Shia La…HAHA! I gotcha good! Nobody is the real MVP in this entry…

“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is now available to rent and buy on YouTube, Amazon Prime, Google Play, iTunes, Vudu, and Netflix.

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