I Wrote a Game of Thrones Season 8 Review in Eight Minutes

Spoiler Alert for All Seasons of Game of Thrones!

Since its fitting to how lazy the writing was for this final season of one of the greatest television shows of all-time that, out of the blue, decided to pull a Dexter Season 8 on us, I decided to share with you guys my quick, unedited, and sometimes grammatically incorrect quick-jots for all six episodes of Game of Thrones Season 8. I spent around 1 minute on each of the first four episode, rushing my quick, non-spoiler thoughts and wrote reviews on the last two episodes in around four minutes. Don’t expect any phenomenal writing, analyzing or critical thinking in this. Only simple, baby thoughts.


Episode 1: Winterfell

The airing of Season 8 Episode 1 of Game of Thrones may be the most anticipated TV show premiere of all-time by “popularity-level” default. This is a satisfying episode for fans, where many characters that we have desperately been rooting for, meet up with old friends and family members, and maybe even some new faces. Even though nothing extremely exciting or action-packed happens and I do have many gripes with some scenes, it is the first episode of the season, and it’s meant to simply set-up the next couple episodes, and it does it decently.


Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

Episode 2 is a definite improvement over the Season 8 premeire despite it being a tad bit slow and bombarded with filler. There’s a handful of marvelous character moments and interactions that deliver the viewers with satisfaction. Great build-up for the battle to come in the next episode. And congrats Arya!


Episode 3: The Long Night

Wow. I’m actually shaking right now. If you want to know if it the actual “action” was worth the wait, then you’re somewhat in luck. It makes the Walking Dead’s zombie combat sequences look like something sucked out of a children’s show. I wasn’t expecting to talk about this but it has to be said: the score in this episode elevated the effectiveness of the fight so much. There are however, some writing conveniences and cliches and an ending result that feels unearned and honestly, cheap. But nonetheless, I still have to applaud the thousands of experts who worked on the production of this phenomenal battle! But seriously, the more I think about the writing, the more I’m starting to dislike the episode. It’s still immensely entertaining either way in a kind-of dumb way, which isn’t what Game of Thrones has been about for the past couple of years sooooooo, shoot.


Episode 4: The Last of the Starks

After the extremely controversial previous episode, one thing can be mainly pondered upon by every GOT fan despite whether you liked it or not: “Where do we go from here?” And to be honest, I’m kind of furious about what this episode sets up for the final episodes of GOT. The first fifty minutes were just mind-numbing and meandering, but nothing for sure struck me as bad. But after that there’s this quote on quote “surprise” that I saw literally coming a mile away and there on out the writing became discombobulated to me. I will give the episode this, the last 5 minutes of the episode are somewhat intense despite some unrealistic character/plot conveniences. But other than that, this episode is undecided and feels quite rushed, and my only hope is that the last two episodes make up for what’s been a pretty ehh final season so far. By far the worst episode of Game of Thrones yet, which as mean as that sounds, is actually not that harsh of an insult considering the quality showcased in most of the previous seasons.


Episode 5: The Bells

Yeah so, I liked this episode in the way I liked Season 8 Episode 3, were I have accepted that the writing will be poor, but the spectacle will be gratifying. This in my humble opinion, is the most enthralling episode of the new, mainstream, weaker Game of Thrones, showcasing a massacre of horror that was executed in a manner so dramatic and visually gripping, it was somewhat easy to look past a handful of character arcs that were thrown down the garbage shoot. At this point in time, I have accepted the fact that this season is just rushing story elements left and right, and instead of whining about it, I’m just going to gallop for the rest of the ride and try to enjoy the few elements of Game of Thrones that still stay fresh. Yes, Danny’s “mad queen” turn was spontaneous, and yes, Jamie’s turn around was a bit uncalled for, and yes, Arya Stark’s plot armor hit god-like levels in this episode, but we did get some sufficient moments that were left void in the previous 4 episodes-ESPECIALLY EPISODE 4 WHICH WAS PATHETIC. We finally got kills and deaths, and the gore and craziness that undeniably had me locked on from minute one to the end. The Hound and John Snow stole the show, and what they do to complete/alter their arcs is actually executed fairly marvelously. I want to say a majority of fans are partially disappointed because the show didn’t go their way, because trust me this episode was somewhat unexpectedly gruesome and unsatisfying, but I’m not going to deny D&D have dropped in their skills when it comes to writing. I’ve lost hope in a solid Game of Thrones ending, so hey, why not just continue the ride simply for the blockbuster insanity? And in terms of “that” case, I think this episode delivered.


Episode 6: The Iron Throne

Believe it or not I haven’t “hated” the previous episodes of Game of Thrones Season 8. There’s a fine line between “disliked” and “hated” and I’ve “disliked” most of Season 8. Until now. Ladies and gentleman, we’ve officially hit “hated” territory. Thanks Season 8 Episode 6! So, the writers here have attempted to make the ending results relate to our modern-day democracy system(?) and it’s unnecessary beyond words. I have no idea what was going through their heads when they thought this was a clever idea, but it just came off as an easy way out of ending our show with something more creative. Also, they managed to go from the most devastating episode in Game of Thrones history to the most cheery, “everybody lived happily ever after-unless your Danny or the Unsullied” episode in Game of Thrones history. Way to subvert me expectations… There’s also a “I am Spartacus” moment in this, where all the characters agree to make Bran the king, and it’s downright the most pathetic moment in Game of Thrones history. C’mon, lazy comes in many forms, but this is its grandest form yet. Also, what in the world was going on with the Dragon? Confusinggg… There’s about a trillion other things I could mention that this episode does so so poorly but I’m not going to bother with it because I don’t want to waste my life on being upset about this show. Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. It’s going to be real hard to kill it though. So yeah, the Season 8 finale was atrocious. ‘Tis a shame. I’ll be attempting to erase it all out of my memory as soon as possible.

Verdict: C

“Game of Thrones” is now available to stream on HBO.

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