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Quickie: Resident Evil Afterlife (2010)

Decided that I would finally, at the very minimum, try to finish my all-time/second favorite (Resident Evil and Underworld are interchangeable for me, frankly) “guilty pleasure” franchise. I ate the first three Resident Evil movies up like a mad dog back when I was a hormonal, rebellious teenager. Now, let’s see how the last three entries hold up in comparison from the eyes of an adult. 

Resident Evil: Afterlife is about what you’d come to expect from the 4th entry of a franchise already known for its daft trademarks, except, even worse. The special effects are nastier than ever before, Paul W.S. Anderson’s ludicrously childish style is still proliferating, and the plot has gotten so out of hand that, at this point, we could get kindergarteners to write the rest of this franchise and it would blend in flawlessly. Afterlife is undoubtedly a blockbuster that is so appalling that, at rock bottom, it’s not too boring? See? Complete dumpster fires can be painless sometimes! 

If you don’t know yet, then know now. You simply can’t rate a Resident Evil movie only on the normal, punitive scale that most films are often rated on; there’s also a specialized “Resident Evil Scale” to be considered in the equation. This special measuring practice involves five categories: Kills, Creatures, Sexiness (of both the men and the women), General Entertainment, and Absurd Twists.

So, the regular verdict for Afterlife would be a D- or 1/5

…but the Resident Evil verdict for Afterlife would be a…

Kills: 3/5

Creatures: 2/5

Sexiness: 2/5

General Entertainment: 2/5

Absurd Twists: 2/5

44%. So, yeah. Afterlife is a pretty colossal dwindle in comparison to the first three Resident Evil movies.

For reference, here are the scores that I gave the previous three flicks:

Resident Evil —> 80%

Apocalypse —> 60%

Extinction —> 72%

But, hey! The ending had me belly-laughing to death, and that’s commendable? Right?

This Movie is a Part of My List: Resident Evil vs. Underworld

“Resident Evil: Afterlife” is now available to rent and buy on Amazon Prime, iTunes, YouTube, Google Play, Vudu, and Starz.

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