Part II of VIII of My “Skywalker” Binge
Three years after the tragic catastrophe that was Episode I of the Skywalker saga, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clone came into play. The results? The prequel sequel manages to be just as excruciating as The Phantom Menace. Lucasfilm earned the paycheck of a lifetime due to Phantom, but had received some of the cruelest of critical responses; many fans had converted into non-carers for what was to come next, and the movie ultimately delivered no eye-catching promises in its mediocre trailer, yet, it still managed to be crappier than expected. Impressive, right? Not only does George Lucas’s second “F you” of a movie want to look like your 2000s PS2 video game so badly, but it also wants to be one of cinema’s most farcical romances of all-time. Jolly good.
The story at hand here undoubtedly has more potential than Episode I ever did. You can totally see what George Lucas wanted to accomplish with this narrative, but as one could obviously notice, it ensued in dreadful affairs. The benchmarks for a good origin story are certainly here; the execution of them, with no help from the infamously abysmal screenplay, however, are orchestrated foolishly.
The dialogue this time around is simply the WORST (minus the “death sticks” line), the green screen is sidesplittingly embarrassing, the acting is below amateur, the action sequences are beyond preposterous, the romance between Padme and Skywalker has statistically raised depression rates in Star Wars fans by 99.9%, and Hayden Christensen’s Anakin easily takes the cake for being the bitchiest bitch boy in all of Lucas’s everlasting galaxy. “Annoying” just took on a whole new definition thanks to this splendid movie.
I will give this movie the benefit of the doubt though. Attack of the Clones is slightly more bearable than The Phantom Menace purely because the cartoonish tone of this prequel saga seems to have withered down increasingly. Plus, there’s less Jar Jar Binks; so there’s that.
But, why does this movie low-key look visually like Dreamwork’s Robots? Especially that diner scene. LOL.
“Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones” is now available to stream on Disney+.