Okay, I LOVE LOVE LOVE a majority of Sofia Coppola’s work as much as the next, but this… this ain’t it.
Humdrum dialogue, lifeless composition, mannequin-like acting, amateur methods of revealing turning points; The Bling Ring is genuinely one of the most consecutively passionless projects I’ve ever laid eyes on; it’s almost as if everybody working on production drudged through this like it was homework. It does seem, however, as if Coppola purposely wanted to document a mean-spirited environment with shapeless characters that didn’t maneuver anywhere from their inceptions, and while this may be the director’s big point (the selfish shall always stay being selfish as the selfish society supports glorifying their selfishness etc.), the vanilla execution of the motion picture doesn’t justify what could easily be better said than shown.
Blasting GTA V music and showing elongated tripod or handheld shots of teenagers misbehaving for nearly your entire runtime doesn’t automatically make your movie in tune with the generational culprits behind this incident, nor does it make your movie anything beyond standardized filmmaking. Last I checked, repetitive execution and gimmicks cease to not be repetitive. And, don’t even get me started on the shaky bass noise that this feature-length decides to play at every chance it gets as a substitute for legitimately effective implementation. sUrReaLIsm fAiL! Spring Breakers did it better—change my motherf***in’ mind.
At the end of the day, the sentence, “some privileged high school friends decided to rob celebrity houses for awhile but got caught so they had to play innocent to save their asses which then happened to make them famous because the media is c-o-r-r-u-p-t,” is going to save ninety minutes of your life, as that is around the equivalent to how much the surface-level The Bling Ring has to comment on the real life story.
Verdict: C-
The Coppolas Ranked, A24 Ranked
“The Bling Ring” is now available to stream on Netflix.
Burning the Celluloid 
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