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Happy 40th Anniversary! A Re-review of The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Screened at Regal • ??? Viewing

Yo, anyone else notice how C-3P0 just gained so much sass halfway through this movie? Dude was f**king done with being treated like trash by everybody. You tell’em, C!

Luke Skywalker nearly commits suicide out of such utter loss to the thought of Darth Vader being his father — ouch to Vader’s feelings, huh; that must’ve took quite the emotional toll on him? Yoda is essentially cornered into fearful turmoil by Obi-Wan; Yoda’s hesitation to teach Luke into becoming a Jedi while knowing how unreliably similar he is to his father is a testament to this. Furthermore, Yoda even ends up disappointed as well due to Luke’s hasty choices that occur during the climax of this sequel. 

Han Solo blue-balls himself in carbonite, showcasing one of his greatest character blooms in the entire franchise. Princess Leia blue balls herself too by deciding to fall in love during the worst possible time ever — plus, she kisses her brother in the midst of all this, yuck! Lando causes the entire population of Cloud City to go homeless because he chooses to side with the pride of sticking true to his pals and the mutiny against The Empire while possibility demising a society in which he’s built from the ground up. The homeboy R2-D2 gets physically abused four times — two of which were by his own friends. This really was the second s**ttiest day in Star Wars history onward and forever.

Therefore, love The Empire Strikes Back, I still do. Happy 40th anniversary, baby.

Verdict Change: A+ —> A

Star Wars Ranked

“The Empire Strikes Back” is now playing in select theaters.

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