Quick-Thoughts: Don’t Breathe 2

The last line of Don’t Breathe 2 should’ve been, “Rey Skywalker”. If you’ve seen the movie, you know.

To a degree, I can respect this sequel for attempting to top the absurd shock-value twists and turns that partly made its predecessor the talk of the town during its initial release, and while a few of them are genuinely decent as “ideas” in this scheme of reaching for the craziest, they are all just executed horrendously. Somehow the big reveals of this movie, as nutty as some of them are, were unable to shock me as much as how pea brained and of a joke the plot used to express them did. Like, pretty much nothing in this narrative actually makes any sense with the added material it constantly implements throughout its runtime, with almost every following revelation opening up a whole new closet full of story holes.

Watching the desired tension coming from the cat and mouse direction in Don’t Breathe 2 is literally the equivalent to watching a 90 minute Last of Us (2013) gameplay video (if that game were hypothetically boring and stuck on one level) with every character in this movie having that same bugged AI-generated bot logic as the NPCs do, as well as having those near invincible bar levels of health like the user-controlled players do. Also, you know this movie was doomed from the start thinking that they should rely on having literally FIVE (three of which are JUST in the climax) homages to the original Don’t Breathe as if the first one was some cult classic that audience members were dying to see constantly referenced. I mean, that has to be breaking some new world cinema record for shortest time between release date of an original and release date of its cruddy sequel that references its predecessor constantly, right? 

Anyways, if you’re just dying to see the way, way, way more f**ked up version of Logan (2017), now’s your chance.

Verdict: D

2021 Ranked

“Don’t Breathe 2” is now playing in theaters.

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