Quick-Thoughts: Antlers

A solid allegory forced into an apathetically written narrative. 

Boom: review done. 

But seriously, can you imagine Scott Cooper at a pitch meeting trying to amp up the execs by saying, “it’s like Hellraiser (1987) meets Alien (1979), but…”

Execs: “YES. YES. YES…”

Cooper: “…get this: these classic horror elements will be used to commentate on child abuse.”

Execs: “Oh. Sounds groundbreaking?”

Cooper: “It sure has the potential to be, but I’m actually going to make sure that the movie will be one of the most monotonous experiences of the year. Not a damn soul in this will seem committed to my project too. It’ll be like a higher-budget homage to syfy channel originals!”

Execs: “Wait. What?”

Cooper: “Don’t worry, the monster will look exquisite asf though! I just won’t put any effort into anything else when we get to the actual production of the film.” 

Execs: “…”

Cooper: “Now let me tell you about my genius *pats himself on the back* symbolism and how I’m about to ruin it with this god-awful plot.”

Verdict: D+

2021 Ranked

“Antlers” is now playing in theaters.

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