3 From Hell is Rob Zombie at His Lowest Demeanor, Even at “Fan” Standards

Just a heads up for some of the possibly befuddled people who do see this movie, no, you cannot get on probation if you’re a psychopath who murdered dozens of individuals (unless your lawyer is Saul Goodman) and, no, you cannot survive twenty rounds of machine gun ammunition to the body. Stupid movie. Drama Queens […]

Quickie: Rob Zombie’s The Devil’s Rejects (2005)

If there’s anything that I can wholly respect about Rob Zombie as a filmmaker, it’s that the man has always been dexterous at making his viewers claustrophobic and constantly on edge. Zombie’s Halloween II—a movie I actually think is fine; don’t @ me—has a rough opening where a young Laurie Strode (2) is chased through a hospital […]

Quickie: Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

OMG DWIGHT SCHRUTE IS IN THIS MOVIE WHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAT? The first part of Rob Zombie’s Firefly Family trilogy, House of 1000 Corpses, is an aesthetic love letter to 50s freakshow creature-features and 70s grindhouse slasher-pictures, and while Zombie’s obscene, white-trash writing is definitely its own thing, it’s, unfortunately, an attribute I wouldn’t consider as a positive. The […]

It Chapter Two: A Painfully Mediocre Conclusion to a Classic King Story

As the robot gods (Daft Punk) themselves once said, that was “toooooooooo long.” And yes, Daft Punk, I could feel it. In spite of what I thought of It: Chapter 2 as an all-inclusive film of its own, it may be regarded as certain that the blockbuster-ous scope of the scare-and-gag-driven follow-up is something that’s never […]

It Chapter One (2017): Taking a Glimpse at Andy Muschietti’s Popular Horror Phenomena Two Years Later

2nd Viewing Well, this didn’t age too well. But it aged well enough! Psyche! I recall l-o-v-i-n-g, yes, l-o-v-i-n-g this Stephen King reboot back in 2017 when I first witnessed…it…opening night at a packed theater with middle school kids trying to bribe theater employees into letting them see the movie despite it being Rated-r. Damn, […]

Child’s Play (2019): It’s Like the Original Without the Charisma or Memorability

Child’s Play 2019 is Orion Pictures’ puny attempt at reining in the big bucks with a notorious property name and character while going through the basic motions of its source material and affixing on futuristic technology baloney that nobody earnestly wanted or asked for, all doing so with as minimal effort as possible. How is […]

Quickie: Cult of Chucky (2017)

“Confined to an asylum for the criminally insane for the past four years, Nica Pierce is erroneously convinced that she, not Chucky, murdered her entire family. But when her psychiatrist introduces a new therapeutic “tool” to facilitate his patients’ group sessions — an all-too-familiar “Good Guy” doll with an innocently smiling face — a string of […]

Quickie: Curse of Chucky (2013)

If Mike Flanagan (the mad-dog behind Oculus, Hush, etc.) directed a Chucky movie, it would be Curse of Chucky. This is not only a decently well-assembled revamp for an iconic slasher franchise but a sequel that constitutes exciting new ingredients to come into fruition in the near future thanks to its inclusion of the series’ […]

Quickie: Seed of Chucky (2004)

Seed of Chucky kicks off its first piece of imagery with a gill of semen drizzling down an imaginary screen as its opening credits roll, ultimately communicating to the audience the ill-conceived tone it’s going for. I honestly don’t know what to follow up with…after…saying…that… Newcomer to the director’s chair but longtime writer of the […]

Quickie: The Bride of Chucky (1998)

Jennifer Tilly’s live and voice performance as Tiffany (AKA, The Bride of Chucky) is the grooviest thing to happen to this franchise since, well, Brad Dourif’s staging as Chucky was first ever presented on the big screen back in ‘88.  Chucky and Tiffany’s rowdy, vicious chemistry is what makes Bride of Chucky seem a tad […]