Quick-Thoughts: Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

WARNING: Spoilers Ahead

Opening this up with a compilation of scenes from the original movie but re-edited with added jump scare sound effects is some pitch perfect preparation for pissing me off. 

The worst part about Halloween II (as much as I like it) was its reveal that Laurie Strode is related to Michael Myers. What the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise has as opposed to the Halloween franchise, is that it’s always been about family ties. Yet, the problem with Texas Chainsaw 3D (a direct sequel to Tobe Hooper’s 1974 original that wipes the slate clean of its sequels) is that it doesn’t assume the role of Laurie Strode regarding its new protagonist. As much as the twist in Halloween II is unnecessary, it at least counters a realistic reaction from Laurie Strode: she does not give a damn about her brother because he is a cold-stone psychopath. There is no reason to sympathize and side with him because despite blood, she is the same person she was all those 17 years being raised a sane person. 

I am not dicking around when I say this, but this “requel” is as if Pixar wrote a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie, and it can be sometimes fascinating yet sometimes excruciating to behold. There is a solid attempt here at getting us to emphasize and even momentarily side with the notorious Sawyer family by showing us a classic situation where evil was combatted by evil. But really, it’s towards the end when this movie gets hilariously convoluted and sentimental. 

So… essentially, the writers try to convince us that our lead character (the surviving baby of the Sawyer family) would be driven to aiding a serial killer strictly on blood and biased empathy even after he killed her best friend and boyfriend. A couple of evidence and newspapers read, and boom, she’s a new woman; 39 (yeah, the timeline is weird) years of life and morals down the drain; she is clearly someone who was socialized to be a normal person as seen when she opposes and fights against terror as Leatherface is trying to murder her and her friends; she understands the wrongdoing of the Sawyer’s being slaughtered too, so therefore this must mean she also would understand the wrongdoings of what some of the Sawyers committed back in 1973 and Leatherface’s current actions. 

There is only one plausible way I can see this being justified though that they‘ve seemed to have overlooked: it would’ve been maybe effective to see how the psychotic nature of her non-blood parents (as evident in their slaughter of the Sawyers) raised her to be prone to becoming a nutcase herself. But they don’t, so there’s not enough information embedded in “Heather’s” character to really understand the motive behind her decisions — besides “blood” and justice only for “blood” for some reason? — in this ludicrous attempt at evoking pathos from the audience. 

And to top it all off, the Sheriff lets Leatherface go too even after killing innocents. I can understand him not wanting to kill Leatherface, but what in the hell is assuring him that this dude won’t attack the town again? Wouldn’t he want to try arresting Leatherface so he can redeem the orderly law procedural he initially wanted to do when the Hartman’s murdered the Sawyers? I guess the writers forgot about that, huh? 

Here’s maybe the biggest loss when it comes to this sequel though: aside from the mawkish themes going on here regarding family and redemption, it feels more like an everyday slasher than a Texas Chainsaw one. We don’t get the iconic family lunacies — unless you count the Hartman’s who represent the lunatics of law and media corruption —, and I’m not saying that it needs to be there, because we already had four other Texas Chainsaw movies show us that, but at least replace it with something else engaging that can warrant a reason for this movie. But alas, this is just simple slash-and-dash terror. It’s commercially, but worst of all, lifelessly directed to sheer forgettability with limited momentum or tension; even the kills in this are atrociously put together, and having decent ones would’ve been at least something to have if we’re going to get another mindless gorefest akin to the Halloween or Friday the 13th sequels.  

Also, why did this end on the same shot as Saw (2004)? Lol. Wrong franchise.

Verdict: D

The Texas Chainsaw Massacres Ranked

“Texas Chainsaw” is now available to stream on Peacock.

Quick-Thoughts: Texas Chainsaw Massacre The Next Generation (1994)

No way a human being out there is like Heather. Outlandish. 

Honestly? I’d consider this nearly on par with the last Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Sure, for starters, this is not nearly as competently put together as part three — the entire first half is astonishingly poorly shot and edited with so much crap happening at once that sometimes you can’t even tell what just did, and the cast who play the teenagers give some of the worst line delivery I’ve ever heard in my entire life — but once the family reunion commences, it’s pretty insufferable… in a good way of course.

It seems as if this entire franchise’s strong point so far has been from its various Leatherface gang depictions, and The Return, or later retitled Next Generation, is no exception. Matthew McConaughey and Tonie Perensky are genuinely awesome in this to me; the abusive truck-driving cyborg killer persona and the sexy business-lady wife facade (fast food scene is kind of golden) were exquisitely provoking and made up for a lot of the otherwise poor acting from the younger talents, plus I even dig the new Leatherface who attempts to embody the physique of his victims. As opposed to part three, this feels much more inclined to give us that similar feeling of dysfunctional family hysteria for which the first two accomplished so well. 

However, the downfall with this sequel like part three, and if not even to a far more damning degree than part three, is that it evades from originality in the grander scheme of things even when it’s trying not to. Despite it starting off at prom of anyplace, it essentially ends up being a final girl jumping out of a window and trying to get help from another location that happens to be owned by a Leatherface family member, then the dinner confrontation and of course the drive-away climax where Leatherface does his dance. However, for some odd reason, this sort of repetition has continued to win me over far more than most other horror franchise sequels have; there’s something appealingly simple and consistent about the almost comical absurdity of the monstrous villains that they all showcase.

This sequel’s ending though does seem like a failed attempt at satire for which part two meshed so well, and on that note, a handful of part four can sometimes feel like a dart shoot of random new ideas at an already existing blueprint. In other words, it’s pretty tangled in concerns with what it wants to be whenever it wants to just not be a beat by beat remake of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. That “illuminati” side-plot… yeah…

Verdict: C-

The Texas Chainsaw Massacres Ranked

“Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Next Generation” is now available to stream on HBO Max.

Quick-Thoughts: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

Sorry Franklin, but I’m more convinced that Michelle is your blood-sibling than Sally. Like is it just me or do they look weirdly alike? 

Really shocked by how competently made this is for a slasher sequel, yet that may be precisely it’s downfall. Sure, it’s all put together cleanly — solid momentum, surprisingly mature performances, shots aren’t randomly jumbled together at the unplanned inconsistency of your usual b-rate production — but that doesn’t quite strike the core of what made the first two Texas Chainsaw Massacres alluring; really it was the uncertainty of their claustrophobic environments and villains that made them the high-brow horror they’re seen as today. 

There is an admirable attempt going on here though to switch appearances up, mainly with how the new Leatherface family is presented; strangely enough, I almost got Funny Games (1997) vibes from the collected manner in which they went about their business. The whole concept of a meticulous set of killers that have carefully booby-trapped and claimed one long road for themselves is gnarly, and at first I thought I was all up for the change even if it didn’t exactly insight the chaotic realism of the sociopathic family from the first two films. The scene where Leatherface makes Tinker grab the cassette tape from the oven is sick, and following it up with Leatherface playing an electronic spelling game made it all the funnier. Also, this is the first time we actually get to see one of these killers as a kid being raised to this kind of lifestyle, which makes the family’s sinister presence all the more surreal. Then again, however, the argument could be made that the plot-lines where the killers disguise themselves as normal people are just an uninspired retread of the original, especially since that familiarity of formula abjures us from being that shocked by their true colors. 

Aside from these character alterations though, this film really has nothing else to offer as an expansion of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre timeline. The central cat-and-mouse hunt feels like a retread of the 1974 original but with an unappealing commercial tint to it that completely drains all the hands-on tension that the last two movies made us feel. The greatest downfall of this sequel is that a majority of viewers have probably already been exposed to the hell rollercoaster of Hooper’s classic, so the textbook tactics here in regards to slasher execution feel akin to something like Friday the 13th or Halloween more than its own franchise, except there’s no cool score to back it up. That raw sense of hysteria feels virtually lost in part three aside from its outspoken efforts to show us that characters have gone through change. The last two scenes also seem erratically thrown together for what came beforehand.

Verdict: C-

The Texas Chainsaw Massacres Ranked

“Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III” is now available to rent on Amazon Prime.

Quick-Thoughts: Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 (1986)

Dennis Hopper wielding three chainsaws is cinema I yell ya! 

While the new flashy (but great) carnival set pieces detract from the realism that made Tobe Hooper’s original so terrifying, not to mention Lefty and Stretch as leading protagonists aren’t really the kind of folk you’d buy as the everyday horror victims as opposed to a group of young adults on vacation, I’d be totally lying if I said this wasn’t fun to watch. To my surprise, after hearing so much about the “parody” aspect of this, I wasn’t expecting The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 to relatively maintain that level of uncomfortable and marginally satirical tension that the original had gorgeously revved on to a constant pulp. Obviously, this sequel leans into the comedic levity way more with its Mrs. Leatherface intentionally failed “Beauty and the Beast” plot-line and noticeably more visible lock on the sheer goofiness of the killers by airing longer time to their discourses or what have you, but it’s pretty macabre and uneasy nonetheless. 

The returning cast is great again as the unlikely plushy slashers, and Hooper surprisingly adds a lineup of iconic moments to remember when looking back at this — the well-built up opening “roadkill” sequence, the reintroduction to Chop-Top, the awkwardly elongated seduction of Leatherface, the unpredictable “masking” of Stretch as she begs for Leatherface to side with her, and the pure lunacy of that chainsaw battle finale. One major segment in this though that I felt was completely needless and distracting happened to be the recreation of the dinner sequence from the original, which doesn’t even attempt to add anything to differentiate; it’s basically just a way less gripping reshoot if anything that clumsily re-reminded me of how inferior Hooper’s eye for visual execution is in this when compared to its predecessor. A better callback that this sequel does is in its final scene where Chop-Top attempts to frighten Stretch by cutting himself like he did in the opening of the original, to which Stretch responds on the contrary with a chainsaw frenzy — very much indicating she does not give a single f**k; being mutilated with mutilations will overexpose ya! 

But yeah, this is more or less the same schtick as what The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was, but at the same time, also really not? It’s a pinball machine of conflicting tones like its parent figure but one also of gaudy locations and cracks at camp too, and that certainly makes for one hell of an attention grabber. If this is supposed to be Hooper’s career s**tpost, it’s at least a laboriously crafted one at that, which seems honorable considering the masterful material that it’s following up.  

Verdict: B-

The Texas Chainsaw Massacres Ranked

“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2” is now available to rent on Amazon Prime.

Quick-Thoughts: Scream (2022)

Dylan Minnette is forever stuck in high school purgatory. 

What I do like about all the sequels to Scream thus far including 5 now is that each one of them, at least briefly, tackled its own new subject matter for the franchise within the trademark space of its “meta” capabilities. However, my issue with them has always been with how boring the execution of expressing them unfortunately ends up being to me, and the same goes especially for Scream 5… or Scream 2022 or whatever we’ll commonly refer to it prior to release.

Funny enough, this and Wes Craven’s Scream 4 actually have a lot in common. Not only do both stick to the same setting as the 1996 original, but they both operate under one identical gimmick: lead viewers on into believing that this is just a partially uninspired yet serviceable beat by beat remake of its maker until the climax reveals its true colors. And, like Craven’s final contribution to the series, the twist does end up being mildly neat and certainly groundbreaking for the series, but it isn’t powerful or meaty enough to necessarily justify its indulgence in the predictable and all too familiar ride that happened beforehand and even still arguably during, as much as it leans to act self-aware about it. 

Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett are clearly passionate about this franchise, yearning to honor the source material by sticking true to it, and because of that their work genuinely feels like something Craven would make. There are a couple cool bits of meta slasher genre harangues here — some even foreshadowing the big reveal — like, again, all of the other sequels, and one gnarly tension trick, but it isn’t enough to entertain me throughout a nearly two hour runtime personally. For a movie that openly understands it’s looped in a hellhole of obligatory motions to the original, it sure seems a little too comfortable with not wanting to break out of them, as if the point and dignity of the “requel” is to never leave a comfort zone for the sake of the fans, which seems ironic in hindsight of what it’s surface-level social commentary turns out to be. Maybe that’s the point, who knows? All I know is each and every sequel in this franchise has only further fatigued me with its reoccurring formula, and that’s no less true than it is here. 

Also, Tara really said “elevated horror” lol.

Verdict: C-

2022 Ranked

“Scream” is now playing in theaters.

Quick-Thoughts: Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)

To be fair though, even the best performers in the world couldn’t act around this script’s dialogue lol. 

Yep! I’m still going strong with my annual Hellraiser watches, especially since I’ve actually come around to appreciating Hellbound (1988) over this past year as my new crown of the franchise! The third entry though, Hell on Earth, is by a long shot the most homicidal in the series thus far, with enough body-count massacre present to make even its own predecessors puke and enough will for cramming in every possible explosion the filmmaker’s had available on set — gotta get your money’s worth! — to make this Michael Bay’s favorite Hellraiser. For those looking for sadomasochist eye candy, this isn’t a bad choice, but in terms of actually adding anything worthwhile to the thematic core of this franchise instead of just being a cliff-notes retread of already established material or writing new and interesting characters instead of awkwardly radical and even overthought ones, this is a massive step down from the previous two films, but honestly? Not as bad as most downhill slasher sequels.

Verdict: C

“Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth” is now available to rent on Amazon Prime.

Halloween is Upon Us! Here’s Every Final Destination Movie Reviewed

Final Destination (2000)

I want a David Cronenberg remake. 

Paranoia caused by our superstitions, confirmed into a reality. Candyman plays the fatalistic prophet to inform of a world that lives under the rules of warped predetermination. Death is rather a cynical dark comic who hints at every approaching human demise with hilariously *f**ked up* in-your-face signs. Gentle build-ups through a domino show magnifying every little occurrence for possible toppling to exemplify Death’s needlessly complex scheming. Not bad, movie. Maybe a bad climax and ending — some of the most pulled out of your ass ones I’ve seen in a slasher movie really — but mostly everything else beforehand, actually not bad.

All characters came with teleportation powers too.

Verdict: C+

Final Destination 2 (2003)

The practical effects this time around are even more upsettingly graphic than before — for better, of course? The sequel essentially follows the basic beats of the original to a T except, besides the safe-room idea from a veteran, the concept that Death’s plans are actually not inevitable as long as you bring in — cute plot device — a “new” life that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. It also lands the lore onto good old chaos theory territory, which is interesting to think about since The Butterfly Effect (2004) was then made only a year after this sequel’s success.

I think this could’ve easily gotten the full Saw sequel treatment given that it lacks the emotional tragedy felt in its predecessor for an obvious prioritization to showcase more gruesome kills, but it’s not completely hopeless. It adds a few new ideas to fraternize the ongoing violence.

The pregnant lady twist though was dumb as hell! So goofy, haha!

Verdict: C

Final Destination 3 (2006)

MARY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD??? IN THIS??? WHAT??? THIS IS SOME PAUL RUDD IN HALLOWEEN 6 LEVEL OF WHAT???

Perfectly captures the anxiety you get before going on a rollercoaster, and I haven’t felt this substantial of a weight from tragedy since the original thanks to mainly Winstead’s “control of life” character and unusually above average performance for this franchise’s standards, but wow, talk about bringing absolutely nothing to the table besides ripping off R.L. Stine’s Say Cheese and Die! with its introduction to photo premonitions, and designing a few more mildly creative disasters as to be expected. It’s not enough to justify this whole movie for me; it’s literally just a remake of the first one at that point. The comedy has reached a new low somehow too. 

Also, the people saying right before they die “I’m not going to die” or “I can’t be killed” trend ought to stop.

Verdict: C-

The Final Destination (2009)

Damn, glad to see that this won’t be the final destination in terms of how special effects advancements go.

Yep, that’s the review. This is the Saw 3D (2010) of this franchise and I am not in the mood to talk about it. Let the rating speak for itself.

Verdict: D-

Final Destination 5 (2011)

The moment this premise was decided upon, the filmmaker’s should’ve immediately thought of making it a straight-up crossover with The Office (2005-2013) where Dunder Mifflin survives the bridge collapse because of Jim Hopper’s premonition. I mean f**k it, Todd Packer is already in this movie so what were they waiting for? Yet, this wasted potential for what could’ve been the purest of cinema is what we’re left with here today.

Secondly, I know it’s hard to believe, but I personally didn’t care if those two characters went to Paris or not. Why can’t all the scenes in these movies just have Tony Todd in them? It’s also wild how the only somewhat fresh concept this adds to the franchise — ruined in execution though by cringe Peter — isn’t introduced until two acts in. The writers took an L on that one.

Ending was pretty neat nonetheless + the collapsing bridge opening.

Verdict: D+

The “Final Destination” movies are now available to stream on HBO Max.

SPOILERS AHEAD: Halloween Kills

Michael Myers interrupts a couple’s viewing of Minnie and Moskowitz (1971) in David Gordon Green’s Halloween Kills among many other things: gets arrested in a discomfitingly collected fashion, knife-decorates a person’s deceased body steadily, reveals his cute path of animalistic habit, one on elevens a group of firefighters — hey, that’s one of the most admirable professions; what a dick! — and punks a perfectly good toy helicopter too in the process.

If this is what makes up a satisfying Halloween movie… is up for you to decide. 

Haddonfield tearing each other apart in a moshpit frenzy to murder Michael Myers may be the franchise’s wisest concept in quite some time — f**k wait Halloween 4 (1988) — yet it’s disappointing to see it executed under possibly one of slasher cinema’s most spurious inciting incidents. For a movie that needs to constantly and verbally remind us that our leading characters at large are traumatized by the infamous Carpenter event that transpired 40 years ago, it makes sense: no town without a desire to harangue us 24/7 about the night he came would be THIS obsessive over some killer that even most third generations couldn’t name unless they wikipediaed it. For once, erasing the timeline of all the previous Halloween movies except for the original and the immediate previous makes no sense; over 10 movies of recorded history of Myer’s frequent impact on the town and the writers thought that including it would convince us less of them rebelling against poor police involvement? The giant timeline gap just does not work in the context of the mob mentality that arises in Halloween Kills.

But it’s not just the logic that rudely invades Green’s sequel to a reboot sequel of a sequel to an original — lol — it’s his failure to inspire new leading characters that are engaging since Laurie is now comatose for more than half of the movie. *Returning* or introduced characters: Tommy, Lindsey, Lonnie, Marcus, and Vanessa? Dry, dry, dry tack-ons to the pointlessly done-over continuity and guileless piling of emotional relevance; the desperation for content and weight in this movie is depressing! Solely due to the film’s dense plethora of abruptly spelled-out expositional and thematic lumps of dialogue, I haven’t seen a script this comically aggressive with what it wants to say in quite some time. But then every so often you’ll see Myers do something like slam a car door into someone’s gun causing them to shoot a f**king bullet into their own head, and you’re like, okay, maybe I CAN dig this, up until Gordon follows it with another trip off into his loolooland sentiments or window peeps into his stereotypical characters for ten to twenty tedious minutes of pretentious filler in a MORE than vivid attempt at stretching this scrappy content out into another sequel.

But, c’mon: chainsaws, chainsaws, CHAINSAWS! Why has nobody thought to use a chainsaw yet and just cut this kook up into a bunch of tiny pieces and then idk cremate them after? Blow him up even! You say he can’t be killed physically yet this man bleeds and gets momentarily knocked out from a couple of bat swings; y’all are tweakin’.

Glad to see Gordon is trying to make zooms in horror movies normal again nonetheless, even though they aren’t particularly anything special or even good in this. I appreciate the attempts regardless. Kudos! 

Verdict: D+

2021 Ranked, Halloween Ranked

“Halloween Kills” is now playing in theaters and available to stream on Peacock.

Quick-Thoughts: The Final Three of the Friday the 13th Movies (Jason Goes to Hell, Jason X, and Freddy vs. Jason)

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

Spoilers, Jason goes to hell, and so does my dignity. 

This is like one of those sequels where they don’t even care at this point to thoroughly establish who most of their target characters are because they know what their audience wants (death, death, death) so you have this circus style of people walking in and out of screen when they need their moment and we just accept it as if we’re supposed to know what the hell is going on with them from face-value as we switch back and forth between heads. 

I guess the real crime of this movie though, because that sort of pointless and uninteresting character writing is already expected with a Friday the 13th movie to me at this point, is that they set the sequel up with a pretty Craven-esc concept that was kind of a cool way to launch the story? But then… wow… I don’t even want to get into how amazingly boring this movie is. If I had known that what Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers initiated in its final scene with the whole serial killer “possession” concept could lead to something such as this (yes, different franchises, but similar concepts) I would’ve vetoed the making of the movie immediately. 

Steven Williams’ character though… I don’t think I’ve ever seen eccentricity quite like it before… for worse. And… umm… can we talk about that climax? Maybe the lamest Jason fight of all-time.

Verdict: F

“Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday” is now available to stream on HBO Max.

Jason X (2001)

Real talk, people who think it’s okay to kill off David Cronenberg in only the first ten minutes of their movie get no respect for me. 

Attachable nipples, EARTH TWO, duking Jason with a drippy virtual combat game, quotes like “he’s screwed” and “that oughta do it”, accidentally destroying an ENTIRE civilization, implementing a Resident Evil Alice meets Terminator to decimate Jason into shreds, occupied sleeping bag tussles, *shooting stars*, casting an Olivia Rodrigo lookalike as the lead scream queen… you know what, when these Friday movies lean more towards the comedy side of things than the “let’s spend 75% of our time actually developing a needlessly tangled plot”, they really aren’t the worst things you could watch. I guess Jason X is MARGINALLY a bit of a refresher for the franchise, even if the means of “refresher” just boils down to an uber campy space setting and some simpler narrative execution. Still, with that all said, saying this tenth sequel is better than most of the sequels beforehand really isn’t saying squat. 

Verdict: D

“Jason X” is now available to stream on HBO Max.

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

I’m not going to lie, I do think there are some pretty creative elements in Freddy vs. Jason. It’s no coincidence that this is lightyear’s better than 90% of the Friday the 13th movies, and that’s because… well… it’s partly a Nightmare on Elm Street one (i.e. the FAR superior franchise). I bought into the concept of Elm Street becoming a town silencing their past with the notorious dream slasher to no longer spread the fear of him into future generations, Freddy Kruger using Jason as a pawn to bring him back into Elm Street visions was a respectable reason to even conceive this absurd-sounding movie in the first place, Ronny Yu directs a couple really festive Kruger hallucinations into the mix that reminded me of why I always found Craven’s creation to be such a treat (thanks Robert Englund for your psychosis procedure of Jason!), and even the actual Jason and Freddy fight towards the end pays off — I really love how even Freddy in the real (not the dream) world still uses what’s around him resourcefully to pull off some unusual shenanigans while the logic of the film sticks true to how much more physically tougher Jason is to Freddy in person. 

However, ruckus such as this could be made into fan-made shorts and I’d have no problem with that, except a 97-minute runtime is a lot to justify what this movie offers, let alone any Friday the 13th movie for that matter. I think for what it’s going for, it succeeds only if you really really really care that much about seeing two infamous slashers toy with their victims for a whole movie, but in the language of Godzilla vs. Kong, these sort of feature-length shticks really aren’t my cup of tea, at least for now.

Verdict: C-

Friday the 13th Ranked, Nightmare on Elm Street Ranked

“Freddy vs. Jason” is now available to stream on HBO Max.

Quick-Thoughts: Fear Street Part Three: 1666

Yo, these MOFOs were way ahead of their time taking perks in 1666.

The first half of this conclusion to the three-part Fear Street saga is such a run-of-the-mill retread of a Salem’s Witch Trial conundrum that cowers to go beyond the standard story beat of people who don’t fit into popular belief and standards being blamed for natural disasters by easily manipulated religious nuts. The worst part about the first half of all this too is that we know were everybody ends up because of preconceived information disclosed in the first two Fear Street parts, so not only are we waiting through nearly an hour of seeing how surface-level a statement on higher-ups using marginalized groups as targets can go on for, but the only surprises we have to look forward to is how exactly A gets to B, via a predictable false victim plot. Jeez, who else seconds that we should’ve all just watched The VVitch (2015) again instead if we wanted to relearn about how the s****y patriarchy destroys the lives of others? 

What’s interesting about my experience with this movie though was that I inferred based on moments in the plot that this was possibly leading up to a new allegory, one on how past injustices are detrimental enough to counteract centuries of recurring injustices because of how it forces radical self-defense out from those victimized who have no other choice, as if initiating some sort of curse that harms all kin from thereon forth, and I was like well damn that’s unfortunate that you’re using exhausting textbook formula to help paint this picture, but yeah go ahead, that’s better than nothing. Yet instead, it actually ended up being a way cornier commentary that just read along the lines of people who create disasters so that they can be clean-up crew, save the day, and get rewarded amidst false public knowledge — i.e. The Incredibles (2004), Frozen (2013)… should I list any more Disney movies for which do the same thing this R-rated movie does that somehow is also miles more immature than those animated examples I just mentioned and furthermore didn’t require you to go through two mediocre movies to get there?

Lastly, remember when I complimented the previous two parts for being fearless when it came to just killing off characters? Well, Part Three I guess decided to call it quits and order in a huge shipment of plot armor to go around. Plus, the climax was edited like a trailer; I don’t think I could’ve possibly left that obnoxious detail out, let alone how foreseeable every occurrence in it was to top things off. Anyhow… failed experiment, Netflix, but to a degree, I respect the attempt? Try again! 

Verdict: D

2021 Ranked

“Fear Street Part Three: 1666” is now available to stream on Netflix.