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Sonic the Hedgehog is Abominable, Yet, Technically Not Nearly the Worst Movie You Could Watch With Friends or Family

It’s amusing how an almost strictly made for kids movie was so savagely pounced by a nostalgically spoiled group of internet-raving adults. Due to a poorly constructed “character design” back in the year 2019 that many reacted to as if it was a near end of the world scenario, Sega’s innocent project was pushed back […]

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Jon Favreau’s 2019 The Lion King Live-Action Remake: Why it’s an Absolute Disgrace Against Cinema

The Lion King (2019) Rant Review Warning: Some content in this review may be seen as “offensive.” I have high hopes that Jon Favreau’s The Lion King remake will go down as the greatest bank robbery in the history of cinema. Some of you won’t even know it because you’re so animatronically attached to your […]

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RANT REVIEW: X-Men Dark Phoenix

X-Men Dark Phoenix is the fourth entry in Fox’s prequel (/sequel?) quadrilogy about the pre-21st-century legends of Xavier’s school of gifted, superpowered mutants and is the twelfth flick in Marvel’s convolutedly swamped franchise. Despite the fans and critics’ disappointingly cynical response to 2016’s X-Men Apocalypse, it’s clear even more so than ever that Fox has learned […]

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Quickie: Seed of Chucky (2004)

Seed of Chucky kicks off its first piece of imagery with a gill of semen drizzling down an imaginary screen as its opening credits roll, ultimately communicating to the audience the ill-conceived tone it’s going for. I honestly don’t know what to follow up with…after…saying…that… Newcomer to the director’s chair but longtime writer of the […]

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RANT REVIEW: Godzilla King of the Monsters

I am a Godzilla fan. The fella has pretty much played a crucial part in my years of growing up from childhood to young adulthood. And YES, I actually really like the Godzilla 2014 American remake which I find to be immensely underrated. So as one could expect, I had a substantial amount of anticipation for […]

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Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald is an Embarrassment to the Franchise

I find it grievously sorrowful that being a colossal fan of Harry Potter—considering I grew up with the books, movies, etc. and saw Philosopher’s Stone 362 times on TV as a child—I had scarcley to no anticipation for Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. This could be due to the fact that the first Fantastic […]

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RANT REVIEW: The Happytime Murders

My eyes are bleeding… It’s funny, I was actually psyched to see this one. Not necessarily because I thought it was going to be a quote on quote “good” movie, or I thought it would be an enthralling muppets entry, but because I thought the film’s premise would offer a really, f****** amazing time at […]

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Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) is U-N-W-A-T-C-H-A-B-L-E

Little would I know, that this franchise could actually go downhill after Part 5… Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare is nearly unwatchable. Events move so quickly without decent, vital explanation that you’re constantly transformed in utter turmoil of what is occurring. There are so many sequences in which the actors/actresses actually look like they’re trying […]

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A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989) Is A Tedious Mess

A Nightmare on Elms Street Part 5: The Dream Child is just actively all over the place. It’s messy, sloppy, and inadequately unorganized way too often. This movie isn’t even admirably atrocious (from a remorseful perspective) like Batman and Robin or Jaws 3-D, it’s just bluntly boring! This was immensely painful to sit through, seriously. […]

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Halloween: Resurrection (2002) Hits Rock-Bottom in the Michael Myers Franchise

Rick Rothenthal directed this??? Director of Halloween II??? One of my favorite horror sequels of all-time??? Oh boy, what in the hell happened…  If a movie could be a literal, physical Middle Finger, Halloween: Resurrection would be it. Nearly every aspect of the film is an insult not only to fans of the franchise, but […]