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Quick-Thoughts: Disney’s Artemis Fowl

So this is what Marty was talking about when he mentioned “cinema.”  I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed this much spoken exposition, listened to this many fake accents, and experienced this heavy of a reliance on abrupt cuts in my entire life. 125 million dollars, fellas. That’s comforting.  Yo, I don’t even have the energy […]

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Spike Lee’s Newest Joint Da 5 Bloods Has Powerful Commentary But a Lightweight Plot

Spike Lee, creator of such joints as the down-to-the-bones biopic Malcolm X, the emotively poignant but endlessly crowd-pleasing BlacKkKlansman, and one of my personal all-time cinematic favorites, Do the Right Thing, has caught us off-guard with a somewhat surprise Netflix release of his newest feature-length Da 5 Bloods.  This Vietnam war drama and treasure-hunt adventure […]

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Shirley is Another Experimental Triumph For Director Josephine Decker

Acclaimed author, Shirley, and her skeptic of a husband, Stanley, are the type of pseudo-intellectuals that many artists nowadays seem to commonly undergo; Shirley being almost like the female version of an incel—minus the sexism—and her husband being the type of “chad” that would worship such masturbatory beliefs as “finding mediocrity to be the true […]

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Quick-Thoughts: A24’s First Cow

This is the most ASMR movie I’ve ever seen in theaters. The sound crew must’ve had a blast making this one. Unequivocally simple yet reasonably impactful, while there may not be a whole lot to say about First Cow that other “friendship” movies alike haven’t already aroused before, Kelly Reichardt’s subdued A24 debut is worth […]

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Quick-Thoughts: The Lonely Island’s Palm Springs

As excessively outspoken Max Barbakow’s directorial debut is when it comes to its philosophical preach on loneliness, the dilemma of life, and the practicality in romance, Palm Springs is still a comedically efficient riff on the classic Groundhog Day premise. While the rom-com’s chief story at hand is imprudently predictable—all-including the particularly rushed lovers’ tale […]

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Quick-Thoughts: Pixar’s Onward

One day, one day I’ll go to a screening for a Pixar movie and not have a full-grown adult shout out the occurring plot on screen as if none of us in the audience knew what was going on. One day. It’s always a pleasure to watch with the whole family a children’s movie founded […]

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The Invisible Man is a Potentially Great and Poignant Movie Brought Down By Lethargic Plotting

There are 3 definitive things that all cultured citizens should consider before deciding on a movie to see: 1) Does the following movie have a reliable director and crew behind it?  2) Does the following movie give off a challenging or distinctive personality?   3) Does the following movie feature Elisabeth Moss playing someone who appears […]

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Sonic the Hedgehog is Abominable, Yet, Technically Not Nearly the Worst Movie You Could Watch With Friends or Family

It’s amusing how an almost strictly made for kids movie was so savagely pounced by a nostalgically spoiled group of internet-raving adults. Due to a poorly constructed “character design” back in the year 2019 that many reacted to as if it was a near end of the world scenario, Sega’s innocent project was pushed back […]

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In the Future, Portrait of a Lady on Fire Will Be Considered One of the Greatest Romances of This Century By Many

I guess I never told you, readers, what happened to me the day I went to go see Portrait of a Lady on Fire back in October. It seems like this would be an appropriate time to tell you, anyhow. So, if you don’t know, I went to see The Lighthouse that same day in […]

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Birds of Prey is a Harmless Comic-Book Movie That’s Currently Being Blown Out of Proportion

Warning: The following review is RATED R because some reckless movie reviewing asshole says an unnecessary amount of curse words to emphasize his point on this particular motion picture while also attempting to embody the raunchy stylistic directions of the film’s pizazz.  Awwwwwww. A completely harmless comic-book half-pie-flick with a ton of blood, guts, and […]