Quick-Thoughts: New Mutants

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors anyone? 

Pushed forward with its release date countless times spanning a near three years, changed from an MPAA rating of R to PG-13, and reassessed to a merciless pulp, it’s safe to say many fans of Fox’s progressively dying X-Men franchise were beginning to wonder if this The New Mutants movie even existed, but, moreover, were probably starting to lose almost all interest in seeing it. Yet, in a near shocking turn of events, the contained superhero entry was dropped almost immediately into theaters towards the end of August, causing many critics during a global pandemic to not even have the care to see or review it and furthermore resulting in an absolute failure in box office performances.

But, therein lies the real question: how is the film’s content itself rather than the hellish conditions that layer the feature’s release? At the very least, The New Mutants laudably attempts to develop the five young superpowered characters that make up the film’s central crux. As humdrum as all their performances are, they’re still moderately believable enough (minus their strangely heavy and variating accents) to not completely bore its audience with their presence. There are some unique powers displayed in these characters too that’ll have the fandom geeking momentarily. And, sure, their personalities are built off of teenage stereotypes, but it’s undeniable that they’re favorable over a movie promoting one-dimensional characters. 

Yet, that’s about it, besides maybe one slightly cool horror design I enjoyed, when it comes to The New Mutants’ pros. Every personality arc, every resolution, every grand reveal is predictable, hogwash F-rated Breakfast Club nonsense, and the movie furthermore doesn’t even feel like it has a plot until it’s over-bloated final thirty minutes initiated. Whoever did the outdoor lighting and action scene composting also deserves to be fired immediately; that opening was atrocious(ly hilarious) beyond conception! Don’t even get me started on the editing of this monstrosity—it’s as jerky as a new mutant learning to control his/her powers and is pathetically a continuity-error seizure.

And yes, Josh Boone or whoever’s questionable choice it was to literally show us characters who have been established as hormonal 16-year-old girls showering naked together and have Anya Taylor-Joy play a racist prick who the movie wants us to care for by the end due to the corrupt powers of the conventional redemption arc were “creative choices” that may speak numbers more so on the people running the motion picture rather than the film itself. 

Just something I noticed. 

I must be frank though, The New Mutants could’ve been a lot worse. It probably would’ve been a lot better too if they embraced the horror they originally advertised the feature-length with and kept that “spooky” (to Hollywood execs at least) R-rating. The jokes on 20th Century FOX, nonetheless, because look at how much the movie is financially making now because of their decisions! Lesson well learned! 

Verdict: D+

The X-Men Franchise Ranked

“The New Mutants” is now playing in theaters where available.

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